The Difference between Trust and Respect

In common conversations, we often use these concepts interchangeably as if they are synonyms. Not so. Let me explain.

The philosopher Emanuel Kant defines respect as the sovereignty the other person has to think differently, commonly known as the freedom of speech. Mutual respect is one of the cultural pillars of democracy.

I went one step further and asked myself, why should I respect those who disagree with me? Because I learn from their disagreements.

In the Hebrew language, we use two words to communicate respect: honor and appreciation. In my way of thinking, mutual respect is synonymous with mutual appreciation. I appreciate you disagreeing as long as it is done respectfully, i.e., you are open to learning from my disagreements.

When there is diversity and mutual respect among the parties, synergy occurs. The exchange creates added value as a result of the exchange and learning.

Now, the question is why should people with diverse knowledge or judgment exchange their positions? It takes energy and time.

Apparently, because they benefit from the interchange. Each party benefits from what is being created in the exchange. That is called symbiosis. There is symbiosis when we all belong to one system, and any contribution we make to the system will benefit us. For example, the kidney does its job contributing to the well-being of the whole body, and a healthy body keeps the kidney healthy in return. For that to happen, there must be faith in the system, trust that there is a common good, and that common good will be shared.

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More Differences

The concepts are not interdependent. One can trust and not respect, and vice versa.

For instance, I trust the American system and honestly pay my taxes because I believe the system is not corrupt and I will benefit from better health, education, and security. At the same time, I have no respect for politicians anymore because of the prevalence of fake news.

Conversely, I respect my business partners, but some are ready to retire and want to “milk the company” while I want to keep it growing. The common interest has been broken, and mistrust in decisions creeps in.

Respect must be a priori. One cannot say: "After you convince me that you have something valuable to say, only then will I start listening to you with respect, with an open mind." To be open to listening to the argument a person has, you must be open-minded to start with, i.e., have respect to hear and listen first.

Trust, on the other hand, needs to be developed. We want to be sure the other party has our interests at heart before we start listening to their arguments and disagreements. As the Jewish sage said, “Respect and suspect.” Listen, and learn, but check first if there is a common interest. Maybe that is why, in common usage, we put the word trust first. We say “mutual trust and respect” rather than “mutual respect and trust.”

Trust has to be built. Hard to build. Easy to lose. So take your time. Give first, and see how the other party reciprocates. Keep testing and never stop monitoring because, as change occurs, common interests are always under threat.

For a healthy company, country, or marriage, mutual trust and respect are critical ingredients for sustainable success. The U.S. of America is a declining world power because, in my judgment, we are losing mutual trust and respect for each other. Crossing the aisle in Congress is becoming a rarity, and biased news is one of the causes of the decline in mutual trust and respect.